If you’re a new mom, it’s probably been awhile since you dated. Chances are you’re married, in a committed relationship, or you’re single and haven’t had time to get yourself out there… you know, since you’re living that #momlife now.
And, just like you, I’ve been out of the dating scene for quite some time. I don’t want to age myself, but there weren’t any dating apps when I met my husband, except your relationship status on Facebook.
The thing is, since becoming a mom, you actually have started dating again, and it’s not with other men (hopefully!), it’s with other moms.
You may not realize it, but making new mom friends is exactly like dating!
Unfortunately, I’ve found that similar to the dating world, it can be tough out there for a new mom, but it can be done!
Here are the ways your quest for a mom clique is just like dating, and some ways you can get yourself back in the game if you’re struggling to meet that special someone.
1. You Totally Have a Type
Just like scanning a room for tall, dark, and handsome, you totally have a mom type you’re into. Age? How are they dressed? How many kids? Do they like a good Nordstrom Rack shopping spree? Could our husbands be friends? Do they Amazon Prime everything just like me?
Whatever your type is, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your princess!
2. Make Yourself Available
Unfortunately, potential mom friends aren’t going to be lining up at your door. So, just like the dating world, you’ve got to go places you know available moms will be! When trying to scope out single guys, you’d probably hit the bars in a low-cut tank top and drink until 2 AM, but in your new mom life, the scene is just a little different.
Usually, it’s on and poppin at the local library around 10:30, you know, in between babies’ nap times. Or you’ve thought outside the box by attending FIT4MOM, taking baby swim classes, or joining a Mommy Meet-Up group.
Either way, no matter the amount of sleep you had the night before, brush your hair, slap on some mascara, and get your cute mom butt out the door!
3. You Spark-up Conversations Using a Lame Pick-Up Line
We’ve all heard a pick-up line, or two. Just like the dating world, you’ve got to be ready to spark up a conversation with a mom who checks all your boxes. The good news is you don’t have to ask them if they’re from a different planet because their booty is outta this world- our kids are the new pick-up line!
“Do you prefer your backpack diaper bag as opposed to an over-the-shoulder one?”
“OMG, I love your kid’s outfit. Is it Cat & Jack?”
“Does that amber teething necklace really work?“
Blah blah blah… whatever it takes to break the ice, it’s gotta happen!
4. You Play Hard to Get
Just like the dating scene, desperation is really unattractive. You’ve got to play a little hard-to-get before you make your move. Nothing is more of a turn off than a mom who asks to exchange numbers in the first 5 minutes of meeting them. UGH!
Mama, be cool and let the conversation flow organically. They may end up thinking you’re part of the popular group!
5. You Exchange Digits
After you’ve taken some time to see if you’re a good match, you trade numbers. This exchange of digits doesn’t typically happen right away. You may have to frequent the same spot a couple times in order to do the awkward “We should get together sometime and do a playdate!” but it has to be done! Afterward, you’re this much closer to a real mom friend. Score!
If you play your cards right, your phonebook starts to look like this: “Keri Swim”, “Donna Library” “Hannah Meet-Up”, “Cindy Breastfeeding Group”… you’ll feel like a total mom whore, but soon you might even become a mom clique! Big, bad, and can only hang out a couple hours at a time before your babies are over it.
6. You Go on a First Date
Oh, the jitters. After a couple days, you see if your potential mom friend wants to get together. It’s near impossible to plan something between nap schedules and which park has the best shade for your babies to play under, but you figure it out! You meet around 11ish, because, in mom life, there are no exact meeting times. So, after meeting them *around* 11 AM, you get to know your new mom friend on a more personal level and decide if this new relationship is going somewhere.
7. You Move Forward or You Don’t
Will you get a text back? Will there be a second date? Is this someone you’re going to tell your parents about? Truth is, sometimes it doesn’t work out. I’ve had some bad first dates. No follow-up text. No next playdate. Totally ghosted…. But that’s okay. Everything happens for a reason (at least that’s what I used to tell myself when I was single).
Some relationships, though, will evolve into something much more! One who you can share baby poop stories with, ask advice from about Baby-Led Weaning, and, of course, bitch about your significant other with.
New Mom Friending in a Nutshell
When I became a mom, I had no idea I would be dating all over again, but I am. It’s a whirlwind rollercoaster with a lot less making out, but these friends are joining you in the next chapter of your life, and it’s a big one! What other things have you discovered when trying to make mom friends? Comment below with some of your favorite places to meet available moms!