To My Firstborn Child,
I haven’t said these thoughts out loud because every time I try, my raging pregnancy hormones make my throat swell and my eyes tear up. But, how do I tell you, you won’t be the only one anymore?
For two years, you have been my little baby. My firstborn child. We spend every day together- playing, reading, shopping, dancing- whatever we feel like. Our special breakfasts and lunches together are my favorite!
You get all my attention, love, and affection because you are my world.
We ride around during the day. Running our errands, going to playdates, setting out on new adventures. You are my buddy.
I take videos and pictures of you to send to family because you are the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. My phone is filled with your sweet smile, laugh, silly mealtime messes, and anything else we find interesting to share.
We’ve been on road trips, day trips, and vacations together for 24 months, as our little family of three.
At night we have our family routine. Dinner, bath, PJs, a book from mom, a book from Dad, good night songs and a kiss on the cheek. You love getting ready with us as you run along and shriek with excitement. Every night you get all my attention, love, and affection.
But any day now, things are going to change.
You’re getting a brother. Another living, breathing, soul I’ll nurture and love every day too.
The days of just you and I will have a new addition. Another member of our very exclusive clique. Another buddy.
He will ride in the car with us and try new things. He’ll tag along at the grocery store, the movies, the pool, and the park. He will be embarking on so many firsts, just like we did.
Our family trips will turn into reservations for four instead of three.
I’m overwhelmed thinking of how I can quite possibly share my attention, love, and affection. How will my heart survive it?
And how will you survive it?
Will you be the same, free-spirited and funny kid that I know you to be, or will you be sad that mommy and daddy may have to share their goodnights?
I’m sure you will be, but I think you will miss it.
I know I’ll miss this time too, but you and I know you’ll always be my firstborn child.
Lately, I’ve been engaging in some weird mom behavior. I’ve been studying you. I’m so proud of how smart you are. How creative and kind you can be. How full of life you are. How curious you are about the world around you. I watch you eat, squeeze your little legs, let you take a 45-minute bath if you want to and run through the sprinklers even though it means we will be running late. I’ve been smelling your little head as we read our books before bed. I’ve been watching you play outside and secretly filming you talking to your teddy bears and playing make-believe.
I want to take it all in while I still can while there’s still time.
These past two years have changed me in ways I never thought were possible. I love being your teacher, cook, chauffeur, friend, nurse, psychologist, and best of all, mommy, but I know it’s not over for either of us. Not in the slightest.
You will continue to teach me.
I will be able to watch you and your brother grow together. I will watch you transform into my little baby to a big brother. I know I’ll need your help just as much as you’ll need mine, and we’ll do it together.
I can already visualize the laughs, the energy, the tears, and the fights.
Yes, it will be different, but you will have a built-in best friend that aren’t just your mommy and daddy. You’ll connect with each other on a level not everyone has the opportunity to understand.
In a way, I’m being replaced.
You won’t need all of my attention, love, and affection because you’ll have his too!
As we move forward in these next few days, remember that even though we will both probably miss this, better times are upon us. We will grow and change. We will experience more firsts, giggles, dance parties, meals, outings, tears, and stress, and we will do it together.
We are a team.
You, my firstborn child, made me a mom and that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. That will never change. Our memories are all ours with many more to come.
So please don’t worry and I promise to try not to worry either.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine” and you will always have my attention, love, and affection.